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Mutual trust within happy couples is reinforced by the presence of oxytocin, a neuropeptide in the brain that expedites bonding between a newborn and its mother.Loving, affectionate, and sexual exchanges between partners also release oxytocin, which, according to some scientists, “makes people trusting not gullible.”By contrast, mistrust can disrupt even the most loving relationship.Their double messages confuse children and play havoc with their sense of reality.
In an attempt to protect ourselves, we build a system of defenses against our pain, confusion, and disillusionment.
Some of us vow never to trust anyone ever again; others become hyper-vigilent and feel determined to not be a “sucker.” If we were hurt by our parents’ dishonesty, we may see other people from a skewed perspective and develop harsh, cynical attitudes toward them.
In fact, attachment theorist John Bowlby concluded that basic trust, as defined by Erikson, is absolutely necessary for the healthy psychological development of the individual throughout the life span.
He described the secure and insecure attachment patterns identified by Mary Ainsworth in one-year-old toddlers as being strong indicators of their level of trust.
The dishonest ways that many parents communicate with each other and with their offspring also damage the child’s trust.
Parents who lack integrity tend to be duplicitous in their communications, that is, their actions don’t correspond to their words.The Oxford Dictionary defines trust as “a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something” For example, we trust people who are benevolent toward us, who have integrity, and whose actions correspond to their words.We trust someone we can count on to consistently do what is “right.” In an intimate relationship, we trust our partner if he or she is predictable, reliable, and honest.Many questionnaires are available to measure relational trust, (trust in a relationship partner) as well as global trust (trust in human nature). Each wrote extensively about trust and the key role it plays in children’s ongoing growth and development.Clearly, trust matters a great deal to a lot of people, especially to those of us who are striving to have a loving, fulfilling relationship. How children learn to trust was a fundamental question explored by several eminent developmental psychologists of the 20 century, notably Erik Erikson, John Bowlby, and D. Erikson proposed that infants develop basic trust when they have successfully resolved the first psychosocial crisis (or opportunity) in life, the conflict between .It’s become more and more difficult to remain vulnerable, trusting, and open to life in this era of uncertainty, global upheaval, divorce, and disrupted family life.Fortunately, many of us have friends and family members we can count on, or a relationship partner we can turn to as a safe haven where we can let down our guard, relax, and be ourselves. When everyday stresses intrude into our protected space or an unexpected relationship problem disturbs our calm, we may begin to feel insecure and self-doubting.Trust can also be defined as a verb: as actions based on having confidence or trust in oneself.On an action level, trust involves being able to “do something without fear or misgiving.” A number of psychologists recently reported that, over the past 10 years, there has been an unprecedented rise in trust issues among couples who seek counseling.Based on clinical research, he concluded that children learn to distrust their perceptions in social interactions when they have been confused and mystified by double messages experienced in their family.These painful events in childhood leave unseen scars and have a profound impact on us throughout life.