Short Essay About Loneliness

Short Essay About Loneliness-54
I never knew how to describe how I felt in unfamiliar situations; all I knew was that I felt “awkward.” Some of the anxiety has subsided with age and practice. I despise walking into a work-related conference, knowing no one. What do I do if everyone is already talking in groups? What if people judge me for standing alone, on my own?Weddings where I may not know anyone besides the bride/groom? I’ve hidden in a bathroom before to pass the time between my arrival and the ceremony starting, so I didn’t have to walk around by myself — or worse, strike up conversation with strangers. How do we live, if we’re not intimately engaged with another human being? Does it draw us closer together, or trap us behind screens?

I never knew how to describe how I felt in unfamiliar situations; all I knew was that I felt “awkward.” Some of the anxiety has subsided with age and practice. I despise walking into a work-related conference, knowing no one. What do I do if everyone is already talking in groups? What if people judge me for standing alone, on my own?Weddings where I may not know anyone besides the bride/groom? I’ve hidden in a bathroom before to pass the time between my arrival and the ceremony starting, so I didn’t have to walk around by myself — or worse, strike up conversation with strangers. How do we live, if we’re not intimately engaged with another human being? Does it draw us closer together, or trap us behind screens?

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Or is it too small, where stepping over makes very little difference?

These considerations are important in my decision — because I am to rock my own boat, when the results may be for better or for worse.

How do I grapple with loneliness, when it surfaces? How can I find balance between spending quality time with people, and developing my relationship with myself?

I’ve let fear of the unknown, anxiety, and the ease and comfort of living with my sister prevent me from making significant progress on learning how to be by myself.

A part of me agreed and welcomed the offer — because I felt comforted knowing that he’d be there too in a strange, foreign country. I knew my sister would be next to me, lock-step, as we moved to this city together.

I’ve only ever lived by myself for six to eight months of my life, tops.I’ve stayed in relationships longer than I should have, for that exact reason: not to rock the boat.Sometimes it is best to try something different before I become a diminished version of myself, before I let my mental well-being slip away ever-so-slowly.Will living alone help me confront my reluctance to face new situations?Will it let me muster the courage to live a life without clutching onto people when I don’t want to do things myself?I decided to go without the reassurance of anyone else being there with me.But after I made the decision, my then-boyfriend offered to move out there with me.Many people who know me tell me they admire my “independent” trait.As much as I would like to be seen as a strong, independent woman, sometimes I question that characterization.Like many, I haven’t had the ability to do that for an extended period of time, though I’m not sure I ever wanted to live alone back then. Loneliness feels like such a shameful experience, so counter to the lives we are supposed to lead, that it becomes increasingly inadmissible, a taboo state whose confession seems destined to cause others to turn and flee.” — Olivia Laing But at this juncture in my life, I have the option and means to have a place of my own, and I feel ready to face these impending feelings of loneliness in search of what’s next.I want to force myself to learn: what is it like to be and feel okay on a regular basis with myself and only myself?

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